It’s a debate as old as time — or, at least as old as 1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas Special.” Of the many revelers throwing down sick moves to “Linus & Lucy” by The Vince Guaraldi Trio, who would you most like to party with?
So as part of our Christmas Special Thunderdome, we set them up in a series of head-to-head battles and asked voters to decide the winner. Here they are, ranked by the percentage of matchups each won:
Who’s the most chaotic fictional football coach? | FiveThirtyEight
11. Sally (30 percent)
Walt: Sally is trying.
Leah: She’s kind of in her own space, having a good time but not drawing me in.
Walt: Nice little one-two step, you know? Basic moves, trucking right along. Go Sally. We have all been there.
10 . The girl in green (30 percent)
Leah: These are pretty hesitant moves, but if she did this with a little more force, she could be rocking a bullfighting/paso doble thing.
Walt: Right, so I have a specific love for the girl in green, mainly because I, like most people, have been to a middle school dance. This is the dance that you do before your friend in the eighth grade tells you to stop using your arms so much.
Leah: My default in those moments was the Twist.
Walt: My default was “I want to punch the air, but the air right above my head, in particular.” I don’t really disagree with this ranking, but I admit I see far too much of my younger self in the girl in green.
Leah: Just so you know, the usual instruction for stage punches is “Punch a parrot on the shoulder of your scene partner.” You’re pretty close.
9. Pig-Pen (33 percent)
Leah: On the one hand, you get joyful abandon (plus he’s a musician). On the other hand, you get a dirt cloud even worse than when I hang around smoker friends.
Walt: I worry Pig-Pen may have been disadvantaged by the question.
Leah: How so?
Walt: We asked, “who would you most like to party with?” And the answer is never the filthy bassist, you know?
8. Schroeder (41 percent)
Leah: I mean, it’s clear Schroeder doesn’t want to party with us, so this 41 percent must be the ones who like ‘em coy.
Walt: “I’d never join any club that would have me as a member” is Schroeder’s motto. As far as he is concerned, he’s just playing a bit of piano, the party just comes to him.
Leah: Personally, I’d leave him to Lucy.
7. Linus (48 percent)
Walt: Now we’re getting somewhere. Linus knows what’s up. This is exactly how I dance to “Get Low.”
Leah: Gotta say, I think there are some good opportunities for partner dance with the blanket. I have some swing moves I could adapt.
Walt: Unpolished, but going for it. I think Linus is underrated.
Leah: I’ll party with him if our readers won’t.
6. The girl with red hair (49 percent)
Leah: I am, of course, in favor of Frieda, because like her I have naturally curly hair. Unlike her, I have (I think) other distinguishing traits.
Walt: She looks like she’s swinging a person around but forgot to get a person. Appropriately rated.
Leah: I am a fan of her exuberance. Minimalism is only for experts.
5. The dude in green (54 percent)
Walt: I love this dude.
Leah: Nice moves, but feels more like a soloist than someone I’m going to dance with.
Walt: Right, like when a random circle opens up on the dance floor, you know this guy would think “my moment has arrived,” and just slay it in the center.
Leah: Exactly. But not the guy I want to spend the whole party with.
Walt: No way. Michael Jackson was lost and alone in 1982, waiting for his next big dance, and then on comes “A Charlie Brown Christmas Special” and presumably the rest is Moonwalk history. True story that I just made up.
4. Snoopy (59 percent)
Walt: WAY OVERRATED.
Leah: I mean, not as great here, but he’s got a pair of aviator goggles.
Walt: Leah, listen to the song “Linus and Lucy,” there is not a guitar part.
Leah: He’s in deep cover to catch the Red Baron’s agents?
Walt: There are two strings on his guitar, Leah. This is a dog phoning it in. He shows up to your party and sits in the corner and says “Hey, do y’all know ‘Wonderwall’?” and drinks all your Bud Heavy.
2 and 3. The girls in pink (64 percent and 65 percent)
Leah: So, twins, I guess.
Walt: I normally hate arbitrarily lumping twins together — they’re two separate people with rich and distinct inner lives! — but this is either some twin coordination or a hungover animator.
Leah: They’ve got my favorite moves on the floor, so if anyone was going to be copy-and-pasted.
Walt: There’s so much nuance in the moves! At first, you just think, “Oh, they’re waving their arms around,” but then you see the footwork.
Leah: The double taps!
Walt: This was “whip my hair back and forth” decades before Willow dropped the track.
1. This guy in the orange (75 percent)
Leah: See, this is the kind of dancer who can pull off minimalist moves.
Walt: The only reason I would not want this guy at my party is he would hook up with everyone.
Leah: So, are you against meritocracy, Walt?
Walt: Far from it, just intimidated by greatness. This man is a force of nature. Look at the footwork!
Leah: It’s great top to bottom. But not as aggressively showy as the guy in green. If only we knew the name of this background guy to send him an invite to the office bash.