Autoplay On
While autoplay is on, parts of the page are disabled. To re-enable, pause autoplay.
When Women Run
One hundred years after women were granted the right to vote, the U.S. has more women in political office than ever before. Yet gender has been a major theme of the 2020 campaign, as candidates, voters and the media debate whether a woman can win the presidency. To better understand what it’s really like to try and win an election as a woman, we spoke to women from every state who have done it — 97 women in all.
These are their stories, in their words.
Each chapter contains highlights from our interviews.
headphones
Put on your headphones
Did Voters Ask You Gendered Questions?
Voters ask politicians all sorts of things on the trail. We wanted to know if our respondents felt they were being asked different things than their male counterparts were. The most common question our respondents received: Who’d take care of the kids if they won?Click a quote to hear the excerpt.
Play
One thing that people frequently asked me is who was taking care of my daughter? If you win and you have to go to Lincoln every day and be in the capitol, who’s going to take care of your child?
Play
I’m a Republican, so I do not focus on gender. I focus on values. I focus on our shared interests.
Play
In my experience, voters at the door were never the issue. So if I was knocking on a door and meeting somebody face to face, no, I never felt like my gender mattered to that person that would actually be casting a vote. But my gender definitively mattered to the media and to donors, to the party influencers. Donors would ask, you know, they’d ask about, you know, my husband. They’d ask about my divorce. They’d ask whether or not I wanted to have children, which I always found fascinating.
Play
When I was elected in 1972, I was the only Republican woman in the House of Representatives. I would say that gender was a factor in my election because I really had to prove myself more than I think my male opponents did. I was a conservative and a lot of people said, ‘Well, will you really be conservative? Are you really conservative or are you really soft on the issues that we would care about?’
Play
There were some people on Facebook that talked about, you know, the size of my butt, what my hair looked like. You know, that kind of stuff. ‘Oh, she’s eating again.’ Like if I went to a lunch or something like that, there’s one person on Facebook that refers to me as ‘crackhead.’
Play
I remember encountering a man on the campaign trail, and I was campaigning and I shook his hand and I said, ‘I hope I can count on your vote.’ Well, he didn’t let my hand go. He just held on to it and looked me in the eyes and he said, ‘Yes, I’m going to vote for you, but I don’t agree with you on all of your issues.’ And I said, ‘Well, why are you going to vote for me?’ And he said, ‘Because I trust you and I trust that you will do the right thing.’ And I said, ‘Well thank you very much for that vote of trust.’ He said, ‘One other question.’ I said, ‘Yes?’ He said, ‘Do you think that as a woman, being with all those men, you’ll be able to get anything done?’ And I said, ‘Absolutely.’
Play
I was going door-to-door for my Wheaton City Council run and I encountered a female neighbor that opened the door and I told her who I was and what my mission was. She was very interested in finding out what I did. I’m a litigator. I teach law. I have three wonderful children. I’m part of the PTA. And now I want to be your councilwoman. And she said, ‘Well, it seems like you have too much on your plate.’
Play
I feel like the questions that I have been asked are really very much about our local community environment. While I have had people say ‘I’m thankful that we have a woman as mayor,’ I think a lot of the issues that we face and the questions that have come before me are not gender-based at all.
Play
I do recall during that first campaign in 1976 for countywide office and I would knock on doors to introduce myself. And interestingly, it was more mature women who had more questions for me than the men, quite frankly. It was not uncommon for a woman and a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom to ask me if I thought it was appropriate for a woman to serve in public office. ‘Do you think you can manage serving in public office and take care of your family as well?’
Play
And the person says to me, ‘Are you that Jane Swift?’ And this happened to me a lot. I’m like, ‘Yes.’ She says, ‘You are much nicer than you appear on TV.’ And I got that word a lot, right? That made it seem not nice. Such an interesting gender word.
Play
I think being a woman was a bigger issue when I ran for mayor than school board. I think people could accept a woman being on the school board, a parent, and they liked the idea that a parent was on the school board.
Play
No, nope. I can say I don’t believe that.
Play
That did come into play quite a few times during the campaign, where people would ask me, you know, ‘Why as a woman would you run as a Republican, why as a Hispanic woman would you run as a Republican?’ Kind of questioning your sort of loyalty to your culture or to your gender. It was interesting.
Play
I would never vote for somebody because they’re a woman, and I would hope that nobody would vote for me because I’m a woman.
Play
I remember when I was running for secretary of state in 2008. Hillary must have been on the ballot at that same time. I got a comment, question from a Democratic voter. I had a very hotly contested primary election. And this Democrat said to me, ‘Well, I’m supporting your opponent because he has a family to support.’
Play
Because we had never elected a female attorney general, I was often asked on the campaign trail, ‘Well, do you think that you’re tough enough to handle this job?’ I would just laugh and say, ‘Let me tell you, if a girl can get through junior high, she can do absolutely anything.’
Play
In the early days of running that first city council campaign, I was startled to have someone ask me if I felt safe and being told that you shouldn’t go to that part of town, it’s not safe for a woman over there at night. I’m going to a candidate forum and I’m thinking, if it’s not safe for me to go to a candidate forum or if I’m afraid to go to a candidate forum in that community, how can I represent that community? But I’ve never heard any of my male colleagues with the safety issue raised for them.
Play
What I do know is that being a woman was sort of a distinct advantage in the climate that I was running in, which is, you know, two years into the Trump presidency. Being a woman isn’t always an advantage. But in this particular election, in this climate, it was, I think, an advantage.
Play
I had one instance that stands out, when I was county auditor, where I had a gentleman walk up to me and started telling me about a book he was reading about the fall of the Roman Empire. And he was telling me why it fell, and I thought it was going to be some interesting lesson in history. And then he told me it was because of feminism, which I thought was interesting. And I kind of kept listening to him. And then he just went into this whole thing about how feminism is this big problem. And all I could think of was, ‘Oh, I thought it was Christianity that made the Roman Empire fall. But OK, whatever.’
Play
When I went to a ribbon-cutting this past spring, it was a business that’s a woman-run business and it’s a big worldwide distribution area that they have for their product. And so when I went over there, they had said they would save a parking space for me with my name on it. Mayor Gorton. And so I saw the parking place, but the parking lot was full of people. So I just got out and I said to a man, ‘Would you help me just for a second and ask people to move so I can get into that parking spot?’ And he said, ‘Oh, well, you can’t park there. That’s for the mayor, and I’m sure he would not appreciate that.’ And so I had an opportunity to tell him that the mayor of Lexington is a woman and it’s me.
Play
Oh, of course. I mean, I was consistently questioned as to whether or not I was capable of holding that office because I was young, I was not a parent. I think that my having been a female and competed in the Miss America organization and having won Miss America added a layer of that as well. Having not been married before, people often asked me why I wasn’t married, why I wasn’t focused on a family, questions like that. So I definitely think it had an impact, but I don’t think it ultimately made that much of a difference.
Play
This was from a supporter who said, ‘You know, there was just something off-putting about her voice. I don’t know if it was because she didn’t have a microphone, but it almost sounded’ — here you go — ‘shrill to me.’ And I was like, ‘You are not using the word that they used to describe Hillary Clinton.’ And I had never had anyone describe my voice in that way, by the way.
Play
Most people were raised, or at least most men were raised, you treat the women with more respect than you would a fellow man. So, you know, I’ve always felt that being a woman has given me more of an advantage. I was raised during the time period of affirmative action and where your minorities, you know, they were put ahead of the line. So the white male has really been the one that’s been oppressed in the last 30 years, not the woman. Not the black. Not the Mexican.
Play
I was often asked if I had kids and I would very frequently answer immediately, ‘Yes.’ I learned to temper that response at first just to see, you know, really, why are you asking me that question?
Play
It has increasingly over time become less of an issue for voters, in my opinion, than it was when I first started running for office back in the 1980s. I remember going door-to-door in Juneau, and once in a while the person who answers the door would say quite unequivocally, ‘You may be a very nice person, but I’m never voting for a woman.’ So it was more permissible 30, 40 years ago to actually be honest about that. And it is less that way today. But I think biases remain.
Play
My first inclination is to say no. People wanted to know about the issues. The only kind of difference that I might have felt from others is a questioning about whether I was old enough or prepared enough for this position. And I’m not certain that I necessarily would have gotten that line of questioning had I not been female.
Play
In my first campaign back in 1977, my running mate asked me to join them at a, I don’t know whether it was American Legion or whatever, in Henry County and I went up to the door or was standing on the cinderblock or whatever, and the man who opened the door opened it up and said, ‘We don’t allow women in here.’
Play
As early as my last election to Congress in 2016, folks were asking me if I felt like I had given up too much time away from my family and as a caregiver for my mom. Was it fair to my mother instead of saying, ‘Wow, you can do all this work meaningfully and credibly?’
Play
Heck, I even had people ask me, ‘Do you think she’s tough enough to be in politics? You think she has tough enough skin?’ And I was like, ‘Folks — remember, I was spit at, I was called names and they told me, go back to the kitchen.’
Play
Then when they would see me and hear me, they would say, you know, ‘I was raised very conservative and while I like what you’re talking about and it’s definitely what I need, I have a hard time voting for a woman because I don’t see a woman ever being president. And I don’t ever, I don’t think women should be in these leadership roles. Yet, you know, I can see you being governor particularly.’ So it was because of, they said, the firmness of my voice and my handshake and, you know, that I was tall. So they actually had to meet me instead of just placing me into a gender and then discounting me for being a woman.
Play
I’ve had everything from, you know, people saying really disgusting things about my appearance, that I’m stupid, that I’m a liar. And it was all very, very personal. I remember that right before I would get out of the car, there were times where I would have panic attacks, that I would be teary-eyed, that I couldn’t breathe. I would have to literally talk myself into getting out of the car because of comments like that.
Play
What I will say is I did have people come up to me and say, ‘I voted for you because you’re a woman and we need more women in office.’ And that didn’t feel good. That felt yucky. I was like, ‘No, no, no, thank you. You vote for me because of A, B, C. No, don’t say that. That cheapens my qualifications.’ I feel gross about pushing that narrative of vote for me because I’m a female and we’re lacking in representation.
Play
I think that that my gender does influence the kind of questions and the kind of cases that constituents brought to me. They think that, you know, if they have a problem with their immigration status, you’re going to be more helpful to them or you’re going to understand the plight of their family. And I think it’s a benefit. I think women politicians, as they run for office, women candidates have a more accessible air about them.
Play
In my second campaign, a man ran against me who I had met when I was first running and had asked me out and had then basically ran because he was like trying to get my attention. And I’m not very egotistical about it. It’s just like he literally said, he’s like, ‘I just wanted to get your attention.’ So he filed to run against me. He didn’t do very well in the primary, he lost in the primary.
Play
Shockingly, I was never asked my marital status by a voter.
Play
When I was initially telling people that I was thinking of running or that I had filed to run, I got questions like, ‘Well, don’t you have young children?’ I also had people telling me that I shouldn’t utilize identity politics. And I said, ‘Look, I can’t change who I am. I am Latina. My name is Serena Gonzalez-Gutierrez. I can’t change any of that.’
Play
When I ran the first time for mayor, I got a lot of questions. People weren’t confident that I could handle running the city. I mean, I think man or woman, I think the questions are the same. But how people perceive you, I think, is where the difference is.
Play
You know, gender wasn’t a forefront experience for me. I was surprised, actually, not to get more questions about what it meant to my family to be doing this or what it meant to be a mother out on the campaign trail. Yeah, I was surprised about that.
Play
When I did feel, you know, the gender issue, it was a man with his daughters coming up to me and saying, ‘I’m so thankful you’re running. You are a great role model for my daughters.’ A lot of the older women that have seen through generations of women fighting to move forward, they were very thankful to see me out on the campaign trail.
Play
When I go out and knock on doors, I dress casually, I wear jeans or something casual. And a couple of times I got to a door, and, you know, I said who I was, right? I mean, I identified myself and I told them why I was there. And you know that people don’t totally listen to every word you say. So one man said, ‘So, how long have you worked for her?’ I go, ‘I am her.’ He’s like, ‘What?’
Play
My political director was also a woman, and so oftentimes, we would be on the back roads of Alabama, going to endorsement conferences, and would get, you know, folks who were concerned, males who would walk us to our car to go, ‘Oh, my God, how are you going to get back to Birmingham?’ We were like, ‘We’re gonna drive.’ And you know, ‘What if there’s a flat tire? Why are there no men escorting you on these back roads?’ It was really quite interesting. I took it in stride. I didn’t try to make a point of it.
Play
No, I don’t think there’s any difference in how voters approach me or ask questions. And I’m glad about that because I view myself as just a person who cares and who’s competent and who wants to work for them. And so I hope that they chose me because I’m the best person, not because of my gender.
Play
I was at some event and some man came up to me. He goes, ‘Would you dance with me?’ And I said, ‘Well, sure.’ And he said, ‘You know, my wife told me to vote for you last time.’ And he said, ‘I didn’t. But this time I did.’ He said, ‘You’ve been a good congresswoman.’ That, to me, was so rewarding. It was someone who’s being completely honest and who, as a man, just couldn’t vote for a woman in the prior election. But he had a sea change.
Play
When I first ran, I had people tell me, ‘Don’t call yourself Patty. If you’re on the ballot as Pat maybe people will vote for you because they think you’re a man.’ I had people say to me, ‘What are you going to do with your kids?’ I don’t think any man gets asked that question. I had people say to me, ‘I can’t vote for you because I just don’t think a woman can do the same job as a man.’
Did Your Appearance Become An Issue?
Most of the women we spoke to had a story about how the campaign made them rethink how they presented themselves. Wardrobe, hair length, voice — for these women, nearly everything seemed to be second-guessed and scrutinized. Some, though, said they were just expected to be professional — like at any other job.
Play
Yes, you have to think about it because it’s not just about who I am. It’s what people see. And I think it’s disingenuous to believe that appearance doesn’t matter. The issue, though, is how is appearance judged as a part of the whole and not as the sole marker of our effectiveness? And where women have been mistreated is that we are expected to look exactly the same and that we’re expected to meet a certain model of perfection and a certain aspect of what people expect to see — and that, I refuse.
Play
I wear a blazer every single day. It’s very rare for me to wear, like, even a cardigan. And part of that is because as you build credibility, I never want my colleagues to think of me as like a little sister. I need them to think of me as a peer.
Play
I don’t know that gender and people’s perception of gender has played a role in the way that I dress, but I can certainly tell you that it plays a role in the way that I talk. I go out of my way not to sound strident or not to sound angry or not to sound, you know, like a quote unquote hysterical female, or quote unquote, angry black woman.
Play
I gave a speech to the Chamber of Commerce and it was business and economic development and I prepared a lot for it and talked to people and at the end, there was loud applause. And this man who I knew well, a businessman, came up to me with the biggest smile on his face. And he said, ‘Madeleine, I just love your hair.’ I just sank. I mean, that’s obviously not what I expected him to say.
Play
I certainly got a lot of critiques from the media and constituents about my hair. That was extremely disconcerting, to say the least. ‘Why don’t you do something with your hair, or why don’t you cut your hair, or why don’t you curl your hair?’ Everyone had a different idea of what kind of hairstyle I should have.
Play
Well, I mean, I try to swear less than I normally do.
Play
When I walked into a room, because I was a woman, that if a man was standing with his wife, I always spoke to the wife first. I always engaged with her before I would ever talk to the man. And I think that just came as a way of trying to take any kind of sexuality out of it. I think you are conscious of that.
Play
There was the pearl thing — and that’s a code word for us. We call them our Hillary Pearls. Those are for at least us, whenever we know there’s going to be a big fight. I say ‘us’ because there’s a couple of us women. Whenever we know it’s going to be something hard or we’re going to have to go in and, lack of a word, do battle or have to help educate people as to what it is that needs to happen, then we’re going to break out, like, our big pearls. You have to have a certain grace when you wear pearls. So even if you’re telling somebody off, you got pearls on, it kind of maybe softens it a little bit.
Play
I’ll never forget that one of our first promotional pictures that went out, I was literally in a men’s white oxford. There was absolutely nothing sexualized about this picture. And I got an email from a woman. She went on a diatribe about how I didn’t look like a community leader. I didn’t look like someone who was smart or knowledgeable. I looked like I was vying for an online dating app.
Play
I firmly believe in just being professional. As far as thinking about what I was going to wear, I’m thinking not based on male, female and femininity at all.
Play
On my swearing-in day in 2004, I was wearing a gray skirt suit that I bought at the Goodwill that I’m positive belonged to somebody who was at least 15 or 20 years older than me. That’s what I thought I should look like to be taken seriously.
Play
I’m always very careful in limiting it to very conservative wear, but I do draw the line in my nails. I always like to have my nails red because I am a fiery Latina.
Play
I didn’t do any of that. I mean, other than the fact that one of my aides finally told me, ‘You have to wear hairspray.’ He was always spitting on his hand and pushing down my hair because I didn’t wear hairspray. There was really nothing that I did that was particular to being a female running for office. I was who I was and that was that. It was either going to work or it wasn’t going to work.
Play
And think about it, all those men who have receding hairlines, crazy hair that they can’t get to lay down, you know? They don’t care. Why would I care about my hair?
Play
My first meeting with Governor Howard Dean, he was the governor at the time, and I wanted to get his support. I had my hair up in a bun because it had to be up in order to look professional. And in the middle of our conversation, my bun just fell out. Like, the pin popped out and everything fell apart. And at that point, I thought it’s going to be so much easier just to have a shorter haircut.
Play
I’m your average woman, so that means I’m not really skinny. I’m not really heavy. I’m your average size 12, size 14. Heck, I’m going to say it — people see it. If we’re going to talk about, you know, how you present yourself, the toughest parts for me, and even now, is having to be dress-casual. What do you wear in a parade when it’s hot out? But I can’t do khaki pants because that wouldn’t look good and khaki pants would be too hot. I can’t do shorts because they’re like khaki pants and they could be too tight. I go with skirts a lot, like casual skirts. And then it’s like, ‘OK well, now, Natalie, you have a skirt on. What shoes are you going to wear?’
Play
Early on, I was giving a floor speech and a man who is a good friend, and he was an important staff person for the caucus, came up to me and told me that I needed to modulate my voice because I was shrill. And if I wanted people to listen to me, I shouldn’t be shrill.
Play
When I ran in 2014, I did an event or I was out in a campaign thing at a construction worksite and I had jeans on. And there were, like, several news stories around the jeans. ‘I wonder where she got the jeans.’ ‘Did she buy the jeans just for this?’ ‘What kind of jeans are they?’
Play
One of my best friends, a very conservative mom, she said, ‘Jean, my husband says if you wear lipstick, you will scare the dads less.’ And I took that to heart. From that point on, I wore a little makeup and a little jewelry, more feminine suits, less pantsuits. You know, because if people can’t hear you because of superficial things, it doesn’t help.
Play
I never thought about that at all.
Play
Every day, I actually think about what I wear. And that was never me. I never would police myself before I got the political career. I always call it my other life. I was kind of like that bohemian hippie chick, and that doesn’t fly in this world. So I always try to jazz it up a little bit just to make myself happy because I miss the bohemian girl. But I have to make sure that the package goes with what you’re trying to sell.
Play
When I ran in 2012, a number of my inner circle, kind of advisory committee, were seasoned elected officials who were male. And I have longer red hair. And I had one who said, you know — they literally gave me pictures of some of my female counterparts that are in elected office, and the inference was, you know, you should really think about cutting your hair a little shorter, because you want to look more polished and professional. But of course, all it made me want to do was grow my hair longer and not wear a suit.
Play
It’s easy for men. And I say this as the mother of four sons. It’s easier for men to throw on a pair of khakis and a blue shirt and walk out the door and no one thinks anything. But if we put on a dress that’s a little bit too short or we put on a pair of shorts when we should have put on a dress, or perhaps we weren’t quite modest enough when we walked in the parade in 100-degree heat, people get a bit snarky.
Play
I also like to wear baseball caps a lot. You know, I’m kind of a farmer, so that was something that people told me not to do. If you’re going to be in politics, you can’t wear caps all the time. And I definitely looked around and saw men politicians wearing caps.
Play
In 2008, any number of consultants to my congressional campaign all tried to script a look. And this is happening today. All tried to tell me that I don’t look Hispanic enough. I don’t know what that looks like, quite frankly. Maybe people have not been to Spain and not been in the regions in Mexico, certainly haven’t met my family. But that’s an outrageous statement. And I guess people were expecting that my skin should be darker and my hair should be darker and maybe my eyes. I don’t know what they were expecting, but I did get plenty of advice that I should work on that. I was outraged by that.
Play
I felt the need to always be, you know, very well made-up and well-dressed and well-coiffed and the whole nine yards. Since I always made sure I presented myself that way, I was always received well. Would I have been received as well if I had just sort of like thrown on whatever and run out the door with no makeup on? I don’t know. Probably not.
Play
We had so many people who would call in, even supporters from time to time, and they would say, ‘I don’t like her hair.’ ‘I don’t like what she was wearing today at this event.’ So finally I said, ‘OK, the heck with it.’ We put a clothes rack in the campaign office. We picked out, you know, 12 things that worked really well together. And every night before I went home — and thank God there was a dry cleaners across the street — the communications team, myself and somebody else would say, ‘What am I wearing tomorrow?’ And then I would take it home with me and I’d put it on the next day.
Play
I recall at one point being at a meeting and talking about myself, my platform and just sharing my candidacy with a group of people. And a woman came up to me afterward and said, ‘You won’t get anywhere wearing shoes like that.’
Play
I will give you an example. I was walking into a meeting and it was a meeting on education and different things. And I was the only woman representative and basically the only woman in the room. And I walked in and a gentleman said to me, he said, ‘You’re looking lovely today. But then, of course, you always are the best-looking person in the room’ or something. And I said, ‘Well, thank you. But I was hoping you were going to say I was the most intelligent or articulate person in the room.’
Play
I just dressed in my business suits, just like every day at work.
Play
Now, when I ran for mayor, I made a mistake. I’ll be a little more traditional woman and a little less gay. Huge mistake. Huge mistake, because if you’re spending a lot of time thinking about how you should present yourself, that’s the definition of inauthentic — the definition. And I got criticized for not being authentic. Hit the nail on the head, as opposed to what I should have done in the mayor’s race is said, ‘Hi, I’m Chris Quinn. I’m a bitch. Everybody knows it.’
Play
You know, should I wear a skirt or a dress or should I not? Will I offend somebody if I wear a skirt or a dress or will I not? Is my hair too short? Do I need to wear makeup? Do I need to put on more jewelry? Do I need to take off some jewelry? I spent a ridiculous amount of time being counseled on my appearance. I also focused a lot of time on the language that I used based on where I was gonna be. I was having to be careful about the vernacular I was using, avoid slang words in this area or words that someone might find offensive somewhere else. Don’t laugh too much. Don’t forget to laugh.
Play
Ironically, one of the hardest things to dress for, as a female candidate in Maryland, is what to wear to a crab feast. It can’t be white. You’ve got to get dirty. You’ve got to be sweaty. You’re on a blacktop. You got to be picking crabs all day and still be presentable.
Play
Oh, my gosh, so much. But I think on top of that, like I mentioned earlier, not only being a woman, but being a woman of color, there was even more pressure. The types of tops you wear, what you cover up and what you don’t cover up and what people might perceive of you. I like to wear my hoop earrings. I am a ’90s Latina or Chicana. And you don’t outgrow those, even as you get older. I toned that down and didn’t wear the big, big ones. I wore the smaller ones. But now that I’m elected, I wear them and I wear them when I’m in session.
Play
I dress differently than most everybody up here. I mean, I don’t feel like you need to look like a man to look professional and a lot of women do. And I think that’s sad.
Play
I had been a corporate lawyer prior to running, and I was told by folks in the campaign that I should make myself more approachable, whatever that means.
Play
The only thing I would say that I believe it’s harder for women is just the wardrobe. On a practical standpoint, the man who’s campaigning can very quickly change from a very casual event and then he could convert to a very nice banquet by just adding his jacket. You know, women, sometimes it’s harder to find an outfit that can, during the course of a day, can be as adaptable.
Play
Other than just thinking that I needed to look nice and put together, which is a requirement for my professional life as well, I don’t feel like I really thought a tremendous amount about it. I didn’t feel like it was that big of an issue.
Play
Yes, I work to present myself as a mature individual who could handle the job. That never changed, quite frankly. You know, I thought at the time, I believe so today: As a woman, you have to work twice as hard and you have to communicate twice as effectively as the men.
Play
Even deciding what color I should be wearing, the conversation was, you know, it can’t be pink. It can’t be red because people don’t generally like a powerful woman, like at my age. Because I was running against an incumbent, we were concerned that it was going to be overly aggressive. And so we ended up going with, like, a bright blue. But even, like, the conversation about that was very gendered. When we would talk about, like, debate prep, it was, ‘Make sure you’re talking slowly, because when you get excited, your voice gets higher and it sounds more feminine. If you talk quickly, it sounds more feminine.’
Play
I’m half-Iranian. I am a person who is unlikely to show up anywhere in a blazer. And I did, at an early stage in the campaign, got feedback from an individual who had run for office, an older, very well-meaning woman, who suggested that maybe I cut my hair and start wearing pantsuits and blazers. And be less emotional. And I remember writing back, you know, ‘Kindly, I feel good in a dress.’ I don’t have time to change the way that I look or buy a new wardrobe to fit some picture that you’re describing that sounds incredibly masculine to me. And so I’m going to be who I am.
What’s The Worst Sexism You Experienced In Politics?
There was no one source of sexism for our respondents. Interactions with voters, colleagues, journalists, donors and staffers all produced sexist moments. The type of sexism varied as well — some of it physical, some of it verbal, all of it dismissive. Still, some women we spoke to said they hadn’t felt any sexism whatsoever. Those women tended to be Republicans, though many GOP politicians had their own sexist experiences to share.
Play
Well, this one’s kind of personal. But there was a moment somewhat recently where I had advances from a major donor that were completely inappropriate. And I was incredibly naive and I felt shielded by the fact that I was mayor of the third-largest city in a state from the United States of America. Like, no one would dare do that. And I was wrong. I thought I would be immune to it because I’m an elected official. I’m not. People still see me as a woman and an object, which is really unfortunate.
Play
The uproar around my need to take a few days off when I was on bed rest and my twins were born has to take the cake.
Play
When I was switching parties, he said, ‘I discovered her. I made her and she’s here because of me.’ And I think that it exemplified how I constantly felt like I was fighting, being objectified or being propped up as a model for something. It happened to me a lot with the Republican Party. They needed women, they needed minorities. And they would sort of hand me some talking points and say, ‘Here, be, you know, be the face for this thing that is ours.’
Play
We got called into the speaker’s office, me and this other senator and then a group of other senators. And they were all men. And the guy that I was sort of up against was also a man, a white man, and the speaker kept looking at me and saying, well, walk me through sort of your policy position. And I would start talking and he would start talking over me every single time. And it happened maybe three or four times. And then we took a break. We walked out. I was so mad. I pushed him up against the wall. And I said, ‘Every time you do that, every time you disrespect me, you are disrespecting the 37,000 people I represent so knock it off.’ And he never did it again. We’re actually very good friends now.
Play
I never said sexism when I was running in the election. And I always want to hold my own and not ever cry victim or use it to my benefit. So I really appreciate you not using sexism when it comes to me, because I think women can hold their own and I think we have.
Play
My last election was for governor. In my primary, I was running against two male candidates who both used in their campaign efforts that you can’t have two women back-to-back. That is a disaster. No state’s going to do it. Our state certainly isn’t. And because the last woman was a terrible governor, as part of our primary effort, you’ll be a terrible governor because we all know that that’s gender-specific and has nothing to do with her policies or the platforms. I found it incredibly offensive. It is absolutely sexist on its face. And to New Mexico’s credit, it did not work.
Play
I was also told that I was scary. But again, I’m not really sure that that’s necessarily sexist. I’ll be blunt. I realize that I am a plus-sized black female. I realize that. So there are some times that I know that I have to lower my voice. I have to talk a certain way. I can’t, like, be — I like to speak with my hands but maybe that’s not a good idea right now, cause I just know. Right?
Play
The speaker and I had a meeting with the lobbyist and one of his clients, and I don’t remember who the client was. I’ve sort of chosen to forget, I think, and the speaker was in his office. I came into the office because I was to be part of the meeting where they’re going to talk about their legislative priority. And the man said to me when I came in, the client, ‘You know, I’d love a cup of coffee.’ And I looked at him and said, ‘You know what, I was gonna get one for myself so I’ll get you one while I’m over there.’ And I got the cup of coffee and I came back and I sat it down in front of the guy. And then I sat down across from him at the table. And the speaker said, ‘This is the minority leader, Emily Cain. She’s here for our meeting.’ And the man just, he stared at me and he said, ‘I just, I di-, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t.’ And he just stammered and I said, ‘I hope you enjoy your cup of coffee and I’m sure we’re gonna have a great meeting.’
Play
Well, I remember being on the Finance Committee as a state senator when my successor, a male, you know, decided, ‘Oh, stop getting hysterical.’ And I saw that as very sexist.
Play
When I was lieutenant governor, what happens when legislators take the oath of office, they have to come up to the lieutenant governor’s office and then have their paperwork signed standing there. And we usually take a picture. And I remember one Alaska senator after I had signed that piece of paper and handed it to him with a smile, he said, ‘I really think you should be at home making muffins for your kids.’
Play
And I do remember one now-former member who one of my female colleagues had said, ‘No, I won’t help you in this.’ He was running for leadership or something. And he was offended by that. He actually said something like, ‘You know, she’s the first person, first woman leader I’ve ever worked with where I didn’t try to get in her pants.’ And I thought, ‘Excuse me?’ And he’s upset about the fact that she wouldn’t support him for a leadership position and that she should feel somehow grateful to him because he didn’t try to solicit a rela-. I couldn’t believe you said that. I just was stunned, absolutely stunned, particularly since I looked at him and thought, ‘Who would want ya?’
Play
Institutional sexism is real and it’s the water we’re swimming in. And I think even good people who want to do better and, you know, value equity are still living in the society where the patriarchy is the world we live in.
Play
I went to the Plumbers Hall and I met with the president. He literally patted me on the head and said that it just wasn’t my turn. Really? You are patting me on the head like a little girl? So I just said, ‘Well, I look forward to talking with you after the primary. And I hope, as you know, if I win, that you’ll be with me.’ Of course he was.
Play
You know, frequently or often someone might call you kiddo. ‘Hey, kiddo. Good to see you.’ That’s inappropriate. You know, sometimes that comes from fellow governors. I would never do that — call a sitting governor who’s nearly 50 years old, ‘Kiddo.’
Play
I was campaigning for another candidate and a gentleman approached me and began to berate the candidate that I was supporting and the person said, ‘I cannot believe that you are a black female and supporting this person.’ They said because I was a Republican, they found it very distasteful and they were upset about that.
Play
When I was lieutenant governor, I was with my staff at a restaurant and a senator walked up to me and had asked me who I was going home with. And I told that senator that I knew his wife very well and that I would get her on the phone and we’d take to it to kick him where it counted.
Play
I was inducted into the Houston Dynamo Hall of Fame and I had helped get the stadium built for them. And so they’re going to give me their highest honor and how they honor you is they present you with a burnt orange men’s sports jacket. Obviously, it had never occurred to them that they might have a woman who would be inducted into the Dynamo Hall of Fame. It’s more of those kinds of things where you just sort of smile and roll your eyes.
Play
I mean, when you go to Virginia Military Institute, like, anything else pales in comparison to anything that I’ve experienced as a legislator.
Play
I was doing a forum on health care and I was sitting to the left of my opponent. And I’m, you know, I’m sitting straight up in my chair and I’m talking and I feel like the back of my chair wiggling, right? And I look over and he’s like lounging on the back of my chair like he’s my boyfriend. So I turn around, I’m like, ‘What are you doing?’
Play
I’ll tell you, the one that pissed me off the most was when the secretary of state tried to fight my petition for the Ethics Committee for using campaign funds for child care. I had conducted all of my correspondences with Dr. Gray because I’m a Ph.D. And so I signed everything Dr. Gray, to make a point. And in everything he responded back to me, he called me Miss Gray, and I was so mad.
Play
And I went to a very prominent banker who works in an area of great influence in one of the largest markets in our state. I later asked someone, ‘So what did he think of me?’ And the comment back was, ‘He said you were a cute puppy.’ And so I saw him and I approached him and I just kind of used humor. But I said, ‘Hey, I hear you think I’m a cute puppy.’ And he was a little surprised that that had gotten to me and that I then confronted him. And I told him that he should not misunderstand what I’m capable of doing and how I will lead because I wear high heels and have a smile. And I will tell you that that individual has been extremely supportive.
Play
But I’ve not had anybody approach me in a way that has caused me to say, ‘Gee whiz, you know, that was really sexist.’ And I count myself fortunate in that regard.
Play
I mean, it happens weekly. And like I said, I don’t think some of these men know what they say is sexist. You’re talking to a 70-year-old guy, and that’s the language he’s been using his whole life. Like they’ll say, ‘Who is that hot chick lobbyist?’ They will just say that right to you and you go, ‘Ooh, did he just say that?’ One of them actually called me the cute little cheerleader.
Play
My Democratic opponent consistently on the campaign trail said that, how could I know what the constituents of Alabama’s 3rd District needed, because I wasn’t a mom? And above my, above all other outward appearance comments that were made, that one to me was the most sexist and ironically, coming from a female, because no one knows whether or not I wanted to be a mom.
Play
Well, there have been and there still are events where women are not allowed to attend those events, whether it’s an oyster supper for charity, where women are not allowed to attend, or a golf tournament where women are not allowed to attend. And I find that absolutely astonishing in 2019.
Play
I don’t feel that I’ve ever been mistreated as a woman. I think it actually provides more opportunity for me to be another voice. I don’t feel like gender has ever been a challenge for me. I feel like it’s more of an opportunity in our state.
Play
I was involved in a controversial tweet situation this summer, so I started getting all kinds of phone calls and emails and some of them were, like, threatening my life. Some of those were filled with hateful, sexist tropes and just awful things that I wouldn’t even repeat. One guy who sent me this really nasty email, he included his real name and phone number. So I called him. He was very flummoxed when he picked up the phone and realized that he actually had a real person on the other end. Not, you know, just some dumb woman from Twitter. I just said, you know, ‘Do you kiss your mama with that dirty mouth?’ And, you know, he just lost it. I think he hung up on me because he just didn’t know what or what to do when he had a real person, you know, to talk to.
Play
Goodness gracious. I mean, there are always the guys who are looking down your shirt while you’re asking for the check. But you realize that’s gonna happen, you know, unfortunately.
Play
I think the most sexist thing I remember ever having to hear or have said to me was from a colleague of mine in the state legislature. He said this as he was looking me, from foot to the top of my head and back again, ‘Hey, you little lady, you look awful nice today. You should wear skirts like that more often.’ And I just about came out of my skin. I just, I looked at him and I said, ‘Excuse me?’ And he said, ‘Oh, well, don’t be offended. You look really nice.’ And I was like, ‘Of course I’m offended. And put your eyes back where they belong.’
Play
After the campaign, I was talking to one of my staff people who put on fundraising events, so they were always dealing with my supporters and people who clearly supported me, liked me, wanted to help me win. And he said, ‘You know, I just got tired of people saying to me, you know, “You should tell Mary that if she could just smile a bit more, that would be good.’’
Play
I have people who call me kiddo, which is sort of funny. I mean, but it isn’t, right?
Play
I walked up to this house with my daughter and he like just kind of cracked open the door and he looked at my walk card, you know, the literature that I handed him. And he goes, ‘Is it true that you don’t hire any males?’ And I said, ‘No, I just hire the best people for the job. I work with lots of men.’ And he like tried to shut the door in my face. And I was just like, ‘Do you think — are you planning to vote? Do you think I can count on your vote? Are you open to talking to me?’ And he called me a bitch and slammed the door and said that he never wanted to see me again or something. You know, the funny thing is it’s fading from memory, right. Like when it happened, and like for months after that, it was like the most vibrant memory I had. And it was like so bright in my head, and I knew exactly what happened and I thought about it every night. But now I don’t even remember the details of the story because it’s like, I’m being productive and that didn’t matter.
Play
I’ve received comments where, you know, old conservative male farmers have said to me that I was too pretty to be running for public office. I would say instead of the sexism part, I did feel it more on the race side because of my background as indigenous.
Play
The day after I won, my husband and I decided to get away for a few days and we went up to Louisville, Kentucky. We checked into the hotel and that next morning I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee, and I’d charged it to my room and the guy behind the counter looked at me and he’s like, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ He’s like, ‘You’re the first lady.’ And I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘Yeah, your husband, the mayor. He just got elected. We’re so excited to have y’all staying here.’ And I said, ‘Oh, no, no.’ I said, ‘I’m the one that got elected. I’m the new mayor.’ And he looked at me and he said, ‘Oh, we just assumed it was your husband.’ And that assumption followed me throughout my time in office.
Play
I had a frank discussion with a couple of the aides one day and I said, ‘Do you think you treat me any different than the male counterparts?’ And they looked at me. I said, ‘Because you do. And you’re falling all over yourself, saying do they want coffee? Do they want tea? Or let me make that coffee for you or this, that or the other. And you don’t have to do that because I’m self-sufficient. I just want you to be aware of the different ways you treat them than you treat me.’ And so, and I said, because as a learning lesson here, this is what women do to other women. This isn’t men doing this to us. And this is where you need to be aware of it and overcome it.
Play
Reporters will say things and they’ll, you know, they’ll say that I’m not as smart as the guys or, I just, it’s really just bad. But I really try, I have to ignore because if I don’t, I will kill somebody like once a week. Don’t even think I’m kidding. Like, that’s how I feel about it sometimes.
Play
I learned along the way that this concept of a commission for women had been highly controversial in earlier years, and I couldn’t imagine why. I had some of my male friends in the Indiana Senate provide quite a bit of ribbing and jokes along the way, telling me we’re going to take their shirts off when they voted on the Indiana Commission for Women bill. And then I had a seatmate say to me one day — I think that he was joking, of course — but he said, ‘I think I shall start a white man’s caucus.’ And I told him he had one for 200 years.
Play
You know, I didn’t understand why essentially, he had thrown his caucus under the bus with his vote. And I said to him, I was like, ‘I don’t understand. And I don’t understand you right now.’ And he looked at me and he said, ‘You don’t have to understand. It’s not for you to understand.’ And he was like, ‘Let the adults in the room take care of business.’ And so obviously, I balked at that. And then he told me to shut up.
Play
When I first announced that I was pregnant, you know, while most of the comments that I received were supportive and very happy and congratulatory, there were some negative comments towards me for deciding to have a child while in statewide office. And I’ll never forget that a gentleman in my office asked me why my husband just didn’t get me a dog instead of getting me pregnant.
Play
I’ve had it happen a couple of times since I’ve been in elected office here, to be referred to as, ‘You’re a really nice girl.’ Excuse me? I haven’t been a girl for a really long time. I don’t like ‘girl.’ I don’t like ‘gal.’ I ain’t your sweetie, I ain’t your honey. I ain’t none of that. Okay. If you really can’t remember my name, call me colonel. Call me doctor. But you’re not going to call me girl.
Play
My opponent encountered me at a Greek church festival where I was out campaigning and he came up to me and he said, ‘Why are you out here? You’re everywhere. What’s going on? Why are you working so hard?’ And I said, ‘Because I expect to be the next congresswoman from Rhode Island.’ And he said, ‘Oh, forget about it. Pretty soon you’ll be back home washing dishes and scrubbing floors.’
Play
I can only tell this story because this gentleman has passed away. He was a longtime member of the legislature here in Mississippi, a good old boy, everybody loved him. I mean, I loved him. But he would say things that were inappropriate. And my first year, I came up for some hearings, some budget hearings. The committee broke for lunch and I walked up to the front and shook hands with everybody. And this gentleman, in a very loud voice, said, ‘Look, there’s Doty! She’s such a fine little heifer.’ And I was just appalled. He said it in front of the entire room. And in moments like that you have to decide how you’re going to take it. And so I laughed and said, ‘Well, you’re a handsome man, too.’ You know, we went on. But that’s just always stayed in my mind.
In General, Are American Voters Sexist?
The U.S. has never had a female president. More men than women hold political office in the U.S. Twenty states have never had a woman serve as governor. But does all that mean American voters are sexist? Our respondents were split, especially on whether you could generalize an entire country’s bias.
Play
Ah, yes, we saw it with the last presidential election. We see it every single day in the way that people talk about certain members of Congress who are women. And I see it right here at home in the way that people talk about certain issues that we are addressing in the statehouse.
Play
No, I just think they’re ill-informed.
Play
I do not. I do not. In the 25 years I’ve been overseeing elections, I think party affiliation in partisan offices far outweighs gender. I know in Washington state that if voters are going to vote based on something that isn’t qualifications or whatever gender of the person, I think party affiliation is far greater influencing on the voter’s decision than gender is.
Play
No. But I do believe as you move up to higher office, that gender causes more Americans to pause and give it more serious consideration.
Play
Yes, but not necessarily consciously. But then when you start asking them to rate women versus men on various characteristics, I think that’s when the sexism comes in.
Play
If you ask Americans to define a leader or draw a portrait of a leader, it is more likely to be a man than a woman.
Play
I think there’s a difference between sexism and having gender bias, and I think that most people can vote for merit. But you’ve got to overcome the biases that are built in in our society.
Play
Yes. It’s really difficult to generalize an entire population. So what I would say is that there are definitely pockets, probably quite large and different in different places, that are sexist. That there are people who would say, ‘No, I wouldn’t ever vote for a woman just on the basis that she’s a woman.’
Play
No, no, I don’t think so. Not even in the traditionally, you know, macho-dominated world of Hispanics, if you can generalize like that.
Play
Depends on which age group. We’ve just seen for so long what elected officials look like — they’re older, they’re white and they’re male. And so we just need time as a country, as a culture, to adjust.
Play
It’s interesting. Sometimes I think women are actually more sexist than men. I think some women don’t think women can hold political office.
Play
What I found from polling was that older women looked at me more skeptically than the rest of the electorate. Actually, we did polling and it was very, very much on track. They’re the ones who said I would win by the amount I won by. And they also saw in the numbers, a softness in my numbers with women over a certain age. And as I said, I look much younger. And so that’s where I saw more of an interesting dynamic, actually.
Play
I think if a candidate does their due diligence in expressing their position on issues based on what they’re running for, I think that we have a smart enough population that they’ll vote based on the true value of the candidate — not based on their gender, but based on their platform and how they’ve expressed themselves and their ability to get the job done.
Play
I don’t think that they would come out and vote for me if they were sexist. They voted for me because we shared the same values. They knew I shared their values.
Play
I think it’s because we have not had enough women holding political offices. It’s almost like Pavlov’s dog, right? If that’s all you see, then that’s all you expect to see and so that’s all you’re looking for. When I go into like a county courthouse where they’ve had the pictures of the people who’ve held offices in the past, you don’t see diversity. You don’t see women. So the answer has to be yes. You know, I reluctantly say yes, but it’s the truth, because if it wasn’t that, then why is it that we have what we have?
Play
In general, I think that people are more focused on policies and things that they believe that you’re going to do and how well those line up with their own views.
Play
You can’t generalize and say that people are that way. I think it depends on who you are. I think it depends on how you were raised. I think it depends on where you live.
Play
In America, yes. In Alaska, no.
Play
If you are a woman running for Superintendent of Public Instruction in Wyoming, you are more likely to be elected if you are a woman than a male. If you’re running for governor in Wyoming, you are more likely to be elected if you’re a male than a female.
Play
I can relate to here in North Dakota, it’s not uncommon for a woman to be a treasurer. And I think part of that, when you talk to folks, we’re in an agricultural and farming and ranching communities where the women work side-by-side with her husband on the farm and on the ranch, and many times it’s the woman who’s managing the checkbook.
Play
At the end of the day, most people just want to feel like they have an opportunity for themselves and for their kids to have a better life. And I don’t think that that’s a gender-specific concern.
Play
No, and what proved that was what happened in the last election when that many women were elected.
Play
No, I do not. I think that in any campaign you have to make the case why you’re the better choice. That’s what a campaign is. I think if you effectively make that argument, you can win voters over, even those that have doubt in their mind.
Play
A couple of years ago, I was at the pavilion of a local beach and I heard a woman. She was talking to her daughter who was probably 5, 6 years old, 7 years old. She said, ‘Honey, look, there’s the governor, I want you to go meet the governor.’ And the little girl said, ‘Where is he?’ And the mother said, ‘No no, it’s her.’ And the girl was like, ‘The governor’s a woman?’ And the mother said, ‘Yeah.’ And then they came over and took a picture. And it was so eye-opening for me. When you hear governor, president, general, CEO, admiral, you think, male.
How Did Media Talk About Your Gender?
Journalists play a role in every election, and we wanted to know whether our respondents felt media outlets covered their campaigns in a gendered way. Plenty of candidates said they did not, especially if other women had run for a similar office before them. But dozens of our respondents remembered coverage they felt was unfair.
Play
There was a particular writer for one of those small-town newspapers who was quite sexist in his comments. He actually called me a sex kitten and that was pretty stupefying, really. It’s so far out of the norm, but I don’t think he meant it in a bad way. But it was not acceptable, of course.
Play
Local media never really talked about it much. I think it was the national press that kind of highlighted it, because you saw this, like, national trend of women candidates running for the first time.
Play
At one point, the Houston Chronicle did what I call the gallery of bad haircuts that showed pictures of me from their files over the years with different hairstyles.
Play
No, I have to say, from county office to legislative office to my time as Indiana’s lieutenant governor, I was treated with nothing but respect from the media. I honestly cannot recall a time when I was treated differently by the media for being a woman in office. I think that speaks very well of the journalists in the state of Indiana.
Play
It seemed that really deep down inside, a lot of them wanted to be fashion reporters, because they were the ones who would comment on I looked too much like the former Republican governor, Tom Kean. I look like a Tom Kean in pearls. Or I was too well-dressed to really emote with or relate to the average voter in New Jersey.
Play
Not really. I would say there really wasn’t any discussion about gender other than just to say that, you know, I was a female when I ran for governor. I was, you know, the only woman in a four-way race, and that was never, never an issue.
Play
It was a lot of stories about how I yelled. There was a lot of stories about how loud I was. Now, do I yell sometimes? Yes. I’m just frickin’ loud. Like, I just wake up loud. But you know what? Bernie Sanders is always yelling, always yelling. Hillary got criticized for being loud. The man is the biggest yeller, like him or hate him, in politics.
Play
There was a reporter who wrote a story and said something about this particular race. And she said something in the paper about, you know, this time is different — two women are facing off against each other. And it was kind of a commentary article. But in it, she used a pejorative description and talked about a catfight, you know. So I actually called her and talked to her. She’s a young woman reporter. And I said, ‘Look, you know, I have no problem with you describing this as a tough race because it is. But be careful about your terms and being pejorative toward women candidates and using things — if I were facing a guy, you probably wouldn’t have said that, wouldn’t have written it in that way.’
Play
Sometimes we’ll do social media around me with my family or me cooking. And often questions of, ‘Hold on, I’m confused. Which one are you? Are you this, like, serious leader or are you a warm and fuzzy mom?’ It’s almost like they can’t understand that you could be both.
Play
He says, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ And the one in my head is, that’s a little bit of an odd question, but not as if it’s not what I get from my mother every day. So it’s like, ‘Yes.’ The next question really started going off in my head. ‘How serious is it?’ He said to me, ‘Well, I just wonder what happens if you get married and have children someday. How would you do this job?’
Play
I give the State of the State in February as the sitting governor. And my kids, my two daughters are 15 and 17, you know, we were trying to figure out what I was going to wear. And we picked out a blue dress. It was a pretty color of blue and it was high neck, so it wasn’t revealing. And it was, you know, it went down past my knee. Well, one of the news stations in Detroit did a whole segment on the television news, interviewing people and asking them what they thought about my dress. They interviewed a man at a gas station and said, ‘What did you think about the governor’s dress?’ And of course, he hadn’t even seen it. They played it for him so he could weigh in on it. Right? So it’s not even like a person that was watching that and he said, ‘I think she looks like she might be pregnant.’ I saw that and I heard that and it was so hurtful.
Play
Even when I was the first Republican woman to be endorsed for the United States Senate, that wasn’t really a story. And I kind of thought it was a big deal, but it wasn’t a story.
Play
I mean, there is this one columnist who’s just a jerk. He’s more a gossip columnist than anything else, but the Speaker of the House now and I are very good friends and he was the majority leader before. You know, we don’t agree on certain things, but we’re friends. And, you know, he’s single and I’m single. And at one point, he wrote many columns implying that he and I have, like, a relationship that’s not professional, which is just not true. And he wrote in one column and this, I’m going to repeat this to you, because this is a detail I will never forget. He said, ‘At least we know one prominent Democrat has the playbook of the Republicans,’ implying that if he and I were having a romantic relationship, then I, as this silly, stupid girl that would be all googly-eyed, would be spilling all of our Republican secrets to him.
Play
The media has not really referenced my gender overtly, but at the same time, I think that I’ve seen the media treat me in a different way because of my gender. And what I mean by that, especially one of our local newspapers is always apt to tell me what I should and should not be doing, what I need to focus on, what I don’t need to focus on, how dare I serve as the national president of the National League of Cities. And I find that very curious.
Play
I was at an editorial board and I won’t say the name of the paper, but one of the members, a woman, said, ‘Well, what’s it like to be a Republican in Connecticut?’ And then a little lower, kind of under her breath, but audible to everybody, ‘And especially as a woman.’
Play
Thankfully, the women who walked before me probably paved that route for me. I really don’t think the media had any bias against me whatsoever for being a woman.
Play
Very early on, the media tried to compare me to Sarah Palin. And I think that the only comparison between Sarah Palin and I is that we’re both female and we both wear glasses. Aside from that, I can’t think about anything else. But right away, I noticed that they tried to diminish my smarts. They always tried to portray me as not smart and always tried to compare me to women that were not like me.
Play
2018 I had a faux moderate Republican opponent. I beat him at the ballot. The Oregonian said, their headline was ‘Brown Holds On.’ I beat him by over 7 percentage points. I kicked his ass. ‘Brown holds on,’ to me, the imagery is by her fingernails. Right? She barely won. That’s total and complete baloney. I totally creamed him. And that the headline was so unreflective of the actual victory to me is nothing other than gender discrimination.
Play
When I first came into the position, I sat down with a reporter. He asked me how I could do this job and do it well. I’m a woman and a mother. You know, ‘How is this possible?’ And I thought, ‘Oh, what a great opportunity. I can run through my whole résumé. I got this right. I can do this.’ And he asked the question the second time. ‘How can you do this job well? You’re a wife and a mother.’ And I thought, oh, OK. Well, I have a support system. I’m very fortunate to have the support of my family. You know, not everybody has a support system that I do. I know that. I am just so lucky to have that. And he asked it a third time and I finally said, ‘Look, I’m not sure that I can answer this question in a way that is going to satisfy you.’ And after the interview was over, he turned off the tape recorder, you know, put his notes away. And the gentleman that was working for me at the time and my communications staff said, you know, ‘Do you ask everybody that question?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘The men that have had children and in public office, you’ve questioned?’ And he said, ‘Of course not.’ And then I think he caught himself and said, ‘Well, OK, OK, yes I do, yes I do.’
Play
In North Dakota, we have some very extreme right-wing bloggers who are often referred to as news. For example, our lieutenant governor refers to an extreme right-wing blogger who does have a column in the Fargo Forum, so a lot of his columns get printed in every newspaper across North Dakota. He had shared a screenshot from my personal page of me showing support for Rep. Ilhan Omar. And they took that screenshot and put it on their Facebook page and said, ‘What do you think of Rep. Buffalo’s support for Rep. Ilhan?’ And then from there it just was like all the trolls came out.
Play
The conversations that they were having weren’t necessarily about gender, but there was definitely a conversation about age, about viability. And then later on, a conversation about race. I’m an interracial female. My mother is a white Irish lady and my dad is a very large black man. And that made for some interesting conversations about culture and race and how that played into my lived experience and the campaign.
Play
I don’t recall the media talking about my gender other than being a part of this, like, wave of women running for office. So not in a negative way.
Play
This news reporter who was writing the story about the race and he was in our car as we were driving to an event. So he described my going to the event. You know, I was getting ready for the event. And he said, ‘She was primping and fretting about whether the event would be successful.’ Like, you know, I was some little magnolia flower or something. And so that really stuck with me.
Play
The very first interview that I had with a political reporter from The Providence Journal, the gentleman said to me, ‘Why are you running for Congress? You should either be a preacher or a teacher.’ I thought that that was rather amusing.
Play
I was running against another woman. And I can remember this talk show host on the radio who was going to moderate our debate and talking about it. He was talking with another radio host and he gave the cat sound of ‘raaiir.’
What Advice Would You Give To Women Running Today?
Nearly every person we spoke to offered a nugget of wisdom for future generations of women running for office. The most common advice: If you want to run, don’t wait for someone to ask you. Just run!
Click a quote to hear the excerpt.
Play
Don’t tell me you want to run for office. Tell me what you want to do. A political office is not a destination, a political office is a tool. And if you don’t know what you want to do with that tool, you shouldn’t pick it up and hold it in your hand.
Play
You’ve got to have a strong — if you have children, for sure — a strong relationship with your partner. And be very open and honest about the time commitment. Because I have seen marriages fall apart because suddenly partners can’t handle the shared workload.
Play
Women, we build these imaginary boundaries because we think that we can’t do this. But obviously, there’s a great number of idiots who are doing it. We can do it better than them. So we should just do it.
Play
The best advice I’ve ever received came from my husband in 2001 when I was trying to decide if I was going to run for auditor. And he said, ‘You know, I know you’ll learn how to be a candidate, you’ll be a good leader, all that stuff. But what I worry about is that you want people to like you. And in politics, people are not going to like you for things that you have no control over. People are not going to like you because you’re a Republican. People are not going to like you because you’re a woman. People are not going to like you because you’re a redhead.’ And he said, ‘I’m afraid you’re going to take that personally.’
Play
If it doesn’t get you money or it doesn’t get you votes, then you shouldn’t be doing it. So a lot of people will call you and be like, ‘Oh, I want you to speak at this meeting.’ Does it get you votes, or does it get you money? Because they’ll want you to do things that take away from your time getting votes or money, and if you don’t have either of those things, then you’re not going to win.
Play
Be prepared. It’s hard work. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, and if someone is attacking you, they’re not attacking your sex. They’re probably attacking either your political standing or they’re attacking what you’re saying or you may not have said something in the proper way. You need to reflect inside of you first before you start saying, ‘Well, you know, that’s sexist or that’s racist’ or something like that. No, it’s probably just the fact that people don’t agree with you.
Play
Sometimes I hate that saying of like, ‘Oh, you got to have a thick skin to handle all of this.’ But I think you also have to have, like, empathy, too. And you have to take care of yourself at the same time, which honestly could be really hard when you have a family.
Play
You can never expect the thank you. You’re not going to get thanked for most of the things that you’ve done. You’re going to get a lot of heat, undeserved. So you have to really believe in wanting to do it for either the greater good or for some other purpose, because there’s not going to be a lot of thank-you’s. You’re certainly not going to get more money. It’s going to put a lot of stress on your family.
Play
Really make sure that you’re in charge of your own campaign.
Play
You know, I would suggest that you don’t listen all the time to those consultants that you have because they don’t really have all the answers. And they’re, you know, these people have never run for office.
Play
You don’t have to know all the answers. I think we women are more likely to say, ‘Is just being relatable enough? Don’t I have to prove myself? Don’t I have to have a certain gravitas in order to be seen in this role?’ And maybe we do. But maybe it’s just sort of an expectation we put on ourselves. We’re used to having, or feeling like we have to be, so much more to get ahead. And it really turns out that if you’re just a good person, a good listener, you really care — of course you have to have a message that resonates, but probably more important than the message is how you deliver it.
Play
Just work hard. I mean, the important thing is to work hard, to let people see that you’re out there, to see that you care. And listen. Don’t worry about if they talk about you being a woman. That’s their problem, not yours.
Play
One of the exhausting pieces of running for office is that everyone gives you advice. I don’t know if men get this. I suspect they don’t. But as a woman, everyone, you know, about what you’re wearing, about your voice, about whether you say ‘um’ too much or if you talk too little or whatever it is. And so you need some people who are just going to be there to support you, not to give you advice.
Play
The advice that I would give to women today is you are absolutely a viable candidate. But not just a viable candidate, but a person who is capable and worthy and needed in government, in your community.
Play
If you’re thinking about running for office, get involved now by finding a candidate who you really care about and volunteering for that candidate so that you can learn some of the ropes, so you can start canvassing, so you can make some phone calls. See what it’s like to fundraise and see if this is really something that you want to commit so much of your physical and emotional and mental energy to, because I can’t overstate how mentally and physically difficult this work is.
Play
Don’t lead with your partisanship — lead with service. Service to the people that live there. Build faith in the institutions of this country despite all these turbulent ideologies that infect our politics on all different sides and all different issues.
Play
You’ll be in there and people are going to ask you about whether or not you want to have kids in a conversation about donations. And then they’re going to turn around and not ask your competitor that same question. And you can choose to pick every fight and call out every donor. But you can also take the hit. And yeah, it’s not fair. But you can’t fight every battle. And that for me was a very hard thing to accept.
Play
If I were to give advice to women who are running today is to be as normal and as everyday as you can be, because when I see male candidates, they just seem so stuck up and full of themselves. And you don’t have to sound like you’re a professor when you’re on the stump and you can talk about your personal life. And I think that voters are looking for authentic leaders and they see a lot of pompous asses.
Play
Run a positive campaign. Be positive. Talk about where you’re going and what you’re going to do. Don’t spend your time and your message on your opponent in a critical fashion.
Play
Work probably harder than anybody else to make sure that they have a good grasp of the issues as well as the politics of the day. They need to be careful never to burn a bridge because you never know when one of your colleagues can come to your aid and help you get a bill passed. They need to be open to new ideas, but they need to be willing to not always be out front.
Play
You know, to the young women that I mentor: Just run. ‘Well, I’m not ready. I haven’t done X, Y, Z.’ Well, ok, you’re not going to be ready until you do it. So there’s no way you can have experience for public office until you’re in public office. There’s just nothing that is the correct preparation.
Play
Do not overreact before you have the information in front of you.
Play
You have to build yourself up to a place where you’re kind of a superhero. And I think it’s really helpful to think of yourself that way and that you are fighting a fight. And you can win that, but only if you, you know, surround yourself with positive people that are saying good things to you every single day when you’re making the six hours of phone calls that you’re making.
Play
If you’re running and you’re a woman, you better be the most qualified. And if you are the most qualified, if I could vote for you, you’d get my vote. If you aren’t, then you shouldn’t be running. And I truly believe that. I don’t think having a uterus should qualify anybody for anything.
Play
You do you, boo! We have to demand our place at the table and, you know, that’s what people say, or we’re going to be on the menu. Right?
Play
The only way it’s ever going to get better is if more women do it. Like, the reason that it’s hard for women is because it’s still too unusual. And a lot of this unconscious bias isn’t actually malicious. It’s human. It’s because there are still relatively few women in these positions. People are wondering, ‘What’s wrong with you? Why do you want to do this? You must be weird.’ So what I tell women is we have to normalize female leadership. The concept that a woman would be the president, would be the governor, would be the CEO has to become normal.
Interviews by Jake Arlow, Likhitha Butchireddygari, Annette Choi, Erin Doherty, Galen Druke, Meena Ganesan, Maggie Koerth, Ella Koeze, Grace Lynch, Clare Malone, Dhrumil Mehta, Jasmine Mithani, Santul Nerkar, Maddie Sach, Amelia Thomson-DeVeaux, Nathaniel Rakich, Anna Rothschild, Geoffrey Skelley, Maya Sweedler, Gus Wezerek and Julia Wolfe.
Audio production by Grace Lynch and Jake Arlow.
Design by Emily Scherer, Anna Wiederkehr and Jennifer Nassef.
Editing by Chadwick Matlin, Maya Sweedler and Kathie Bozanich. Research by Likhitha Butchireddygari.
Web development by 10up and Paul Schreiber.
Photos courtesy of AP, Getty Images, Reuters and USA Today. Photo research by Phaedra Singelis.
